things I never thought I would need to say

I'm sorry I just used my outside voice. I know I said I'd work on that.

It can be dangerous to put your finger up your bottom. It's directional, with the exception of a thermometer.

Put him down! A hamster is not an action figure!

Don't put your penis on your brothers head. It's not polite.

Take your fingers out of your mouth. If you didn't wash your hands the last time you used the bathroom, then it's like licking your bottom and you aren't a cat.

Thanks, but I don't need any help with the toilet paper this time. I like my privacy.

No, I don't think the world will blow up tomorrow. The sun still has a lot of gas left in it and shouldn't supernova until long after we're dead.

You've got a little booger on your face. Come here and let me get it.

I know some beetles eat poop, but we can't.

No, I'm pretty sure you would not get a year long detention for kissing a girl on the lips, but you don't need to be doing that for a while anyhow so don't worry about it yet.