Until I Can Finish My Journey to the Center of New England Post...

Dawn, this is
for you baby.


Jeremiah brought a new library book home from school yesterday. The author is Dav Pilkey. Never heard of him. Could be a Newberry, Caldecott or Bluebonnet Award winning writer for all I know, but since leaving teaching a few years ago, I'm not up on things like that. The colorful cover illustration of a goofy looking dog blowing green smoke grabbed me because I'm pretty visual and because I am animal shy these days since we just adopted a tiny kitty from the SPCA.

We didn't ask them to give us the one with the upper respiratory infection and tape worms emerging from its anus(above illustration), but that's the one we got. Just lucky that way I guess. I'm trying to love it, really. Dragon Fireball Reilly is a little black ball of fur scampering around the house, infuriating our long time cat, Phil. Phil feels as if he's being beta'd from his former alpha status, and that is in fact pretty much the case. So after losing our two newts, Romeo and Yoshi, early in the summer when they made a jail break and dried up into crispy snacks you might buy at an Asian grocer, our net animal count is actually down one. I should be pleased.

The book's title is one of the many reasons I won't have this type of beast for a pet. Dog Breath: The Trouble With Hally Tosis. I like this guy Dan and think he'd be a real hoot at a party. Good title , Mr. Pilkey. Yet for all the humor embedded there, the fact remains dogs' breath reeks. Though both dogs and cats groom themselves w/ their tongues, including but not limited to tidying up under their tails, a dog's malodorous exhalations are far more offensive to me than that of a cat. PETA probably would not approve of this sort of animal discrimination, but I don't really care. I stopped sending them $ years ago when I started buying mink cup towels and the cognitive dissonance became incapacitating for me. If this book is Jeremiah's subtle way to ease me into his possibly soon to be heavy campaigning for a dog, he can forget it. It's not gonna happen.

From time to time I am happily reminded I took the right baby home from the hospital. I like that Jeremiah is drawn to to kooky cover art. I like that his silly overrides his serious. I like that he finds puns and other ways to manipulate the language amusing. And I kinda even like that this book thing might well be the first in a series of efforts to endear 2D dogs to me. If not, it's still a goofy story that I'll be happy to read to him and have him read to me. But I am definitely not getting wrangled into taking care of a 3D dog unless the SPCA sends it home w/ a lifetime supply of Aquafresh, Dentyne and butt plugs. Yep, that would solve all the problems I can think of.