dermatologic breaking news brought to you by clearacil, HCl and the bay of naples, or, i shoulda used noxema on new year's eve after all

mason: mom, your chin looks better today.


jeremiah: what? show me. i don't see anything. oh, that's just a small spot.
(my thought -- either they're eddie haskelling me or their powers of observation are less than i thought them to be)


mason: it really only looks like a small dried up nipple
(my thought -- hmm, we don't having any lactating pets at the moment, and i cannot imagine he remembers when he got it on tap, so...national geographic? perhaps?)


jeremiah -- yeah, i think like a dried up nipple-ish raspberry sort of thing.
(my thought -- dear gawd. where did eddie haskell go?)


jeremiah -- or maybe a pea on your chin. yes the size of a small pea. or a marble
(my thought -- i preferred small pea)
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when the topography of your usual facial features is altered by a pimple of biblical proportions, you consider a lot of drastic measures.

i'd removed the blood and antibiotic stained band aid only a couple hours earlier, disposing of them along with the biohazard gauze pads. said band aid would have been entirely superfluous had i not attempted home surgery the previous day. in the past i'd been marginally successful with all sorts of bathroom butchery -- ingrown toenail? pas de probleme. saddle sores? nothing to it.

give me a small wound or any number of seemingly simple ailments -- cut, abrasion, 3rd degree burn -- and I'm all over it. poultices, tinctures, salves, homeopathic this and that, rhubarb compresses, green tea enemas from only the finest matcha powder originating in sakahalin -- i'll try anything. even without the above,as long as the basic alcohol and hydrogen peroxide are in the med cabinet, i'm qualified for any number of small surgical procedures.

yet when all other measures fail, when the cleanse/fast, hypnotism, chanting and chinese lotus balls don't do the trick, then and only then may you squeeze. and so i did just that because i'd much rather see on my chin a scab or even a band aid than vesuvius staring back at me, white blood cells below like molten lava roiling, gaining power, pressure building, ready to erupt and lay waste to...

the year is 79 ad. the towns of pompeii and herculaneum lie below the sleepy and majestic mountain on the shores of the mediterranean. little did these towns realize death and destruction, complete annihilation awaited. a gruesome and horrific fate. would mine be as dramatic? i certainly hoped so.

filling out red cross and fema paperwork right now. can't seem to find a box to check for "disfiguring facial blemish", though.